Disturbing Thoughts
by youreconfusingme
Summary: Harry Potter is left confused by Severus Snape's unusual act before his death. But what he sees in his thoughts surprised him...and made him think of what might have happened if.


**Disturbing Thoughts**

**disclaimer: i don't own harry potter..haha:)**

Harry Potter turned away and ran. He didn't want to see; didn't want to know; didn't want to feel anymore. Fred Weasley had died, and Harry felt that somehow, somehow, _he_ was responsible for it all. But in all these, Severus Snape's unexpected and untimely death was the most disturbing and haunting. Harry knew that he would never forget the look on Snape's face when he gave him his memories: confused, desperate, and lonely, but somehow still had some happiness left on them.

He ran as fast as he could, not knowing where his legs were carrying him, until he stopped in front of the stone gargoyle entrance to the Hogwarts headmaster's office.

"Chocolate frogs!" Harry snapped at the gargoyle. It immediately let him in and he climbed the spiral staircase two steps at a time. Harry remembered the countless times he had been on the same office, only with different scenarios. He opened the door and walked briskly toward the cabinet where Albus Dumbledore's old Pensieve lay. Harry opened the cabinet gingerly and found what he was looking for: the Pensieve.

He tipped the memories in and looked around himself. Nothing changed much, except for the fact that the people on the portraits were all gone, including Dumbledore. Harry swirled the memories with his wand. He then gave an involuntary jerk that shook him away from his own thoughts.

_I want to see this, _Harry thought desperately. _Here goes nothing._

He was suddenly swirling into the black depths. Then, after a few moments, he was standing in a summery day on the playground. Where was Snape? This was his memory, after all. Harry looked around but stopped dead on his tracks when he saw a young girl with startlingly green orbs and thick, dark red curls.

It was an eleven-year-old Lily Evans.

For a while, Harry just stood there, staring at her, wondering what she was doing in Snape's memories. He only came out of his reverie when he heard a rustling sound behind him. A few moments later, the eleven-year-old Snape came striding into view.

"Good morning, Severus," Lily greeted cheerfully. "Fine morning, isn't it?"

"Yeah. Good morning to you, too," Severus shrugged and smiled genuinely. "Where's your sister Petunia?"

"She didn't want to come. Said she needed to finish something," Lily replied.

Severus nodded and turned his gaze away from her. "Do you realize we're only a few days away before we go to Hogwarts? I went to that wizarding shopping centre, Diagon Alley, yesterday with my Mum while my Dad and Petunia were at the dentist. Have you been there already?" asked Lily excitedly.

"Yes, I have. We went there last week," Severus scanned the deserted playground with interest. "Not much people around at this time of the day, huh?"

"Yes. I think everyone chose to sleep in today!"

Lily and Severus laughed heartily. Harry noticed that while they were talking, Severus kept glancing sideways at Lily, and he thought that this was a very queer thing for him to do.

It had been a while since Severus and Lily started talking, but the playground was still quiet as night. Except—

_Crack!_

Harry, Lily and Severus all jumped at the unexpected sound. Just then, Petunia Evans stomped her way to them, clearly furious.

"Lily Evans, come right here this instant!" Petunia ordered, shouting. Lily scrambled to her feet hastily and ran to where Petunia was standing. "Oh, Tuney! Come sit with Severus and me! We were just talking about Sean Lewis, that boy you used to like back in second grade. Come—" she broke off, seeing her sister's angry expression. "What?"

"Mum told me to get you. She needs help with the gardening. And if I were you, I'd rather not hang out with a riffraff like that Snape boy. Everybody would be laughing at you, Lily!"

"But he's nice—really nice! He's keeping me informed about Hogwarts and he's one of _my_ friends!" answered Lily furiously.

"He's only making friends with you because he hasn't got any! What an idiot you have been, then, not noticing that Snape hasn't got any friends here at all!" Petunia said with a triumphant expression on her dark face.

"Th-th-that's not true! He knows Sean Lewis and Becky Underwood and Rebecca Simmings and the other kids that we play with!"

"Yes it is. He knows them but he doesn't talk to them, does he? Those kids hate him too!"

"You're lying!" Lily screamed at her sister. But deep down she knew that Petunia was right. She just didn't want to admit it to herself. Lily ran to Severus and whispered, "Petunia's really mad at me _again_. And I have to go now—my mother needs help with the gardening. See you tomorrow, Severus."

"Okay," Snape answered. "Same time, same place?"

"You bet. I hope everything would be alright with you and your parents. Goodbye," Lily waved and jogged back to her sister.

Then the memory changed.

Harry found himself standing in the Great Hall in another summer morning. He was standing in front of Severus Snape…and Lily Evans. Again.

He watched them avidly as Severus talked animatedly to Lily with a rare gleam in his eyes. Lily looked happy and at ease, too. Just then, James Potter walked out from behind a stone pillar, glaring at the pair.

"Oi! Snivellus! Evans! Having a great time talking about Professor Binns' essay?" His voice had a hint of hatred and jealousy in them. But Severus and Lily didn't seem to hear him. Instead, they walked arm in arm, laughing loudly as they went.

Then something unexpected happened. Severus leaned towards Lily and kissed her. She hesitated for about a second and then kissed him back.

Harry was left standing in the Great Hall with James, staring stupidly at the leaving figures. They had just both been plunged into a shock after witnessing that scene. Harry immediately pulled himself back to the present.

He needed the time to think.


End file.
